This becoming a real live girl isn’t easy; it’s not a straight and clearly marked path. A lot of my experience has been a process of trial and error; a small victory here, a familiar pitfall there…I’ve worked through a lot of long-pent-up emotional damage, yet sometimes still slip back into the well-worn pattern of repressing my feelings so as not to make others uncomfortable.
I’ve taken medications for anxiety and depression, quit taking them when they didn’t work well – or when they had worked well enough that I didn’t think I needed them anymore – tried different ones, adjusted dosage levels, and finally gotten onto a pretty even keel. I’ve gone to counselors, some of whom were helpful, some not so much. I’ve been blessed with incredibly patient and insightful friends who have done more for me than I will ever be able to tell them.
I’m learning, at last, who this elusive real girl Rebekah is: to discern what is truly important to her and to stand up for what she believes, to recognize what is harmful to her and to dare to protect her, to trust her instincts, to be comfortable with her. By the measureless grace of God, I think I’m growing up to be me.